Being lonely sucks.
I just typed out a huge message that was way too personal. Then I deleted it, because no one wants to see some pathetic adult crying on the internet about how many problems they have. So, you’re welcome for deleting.
Just know that loneliness is a feeling that hasn’t left my side in quite some time. And it sucks.
Being lonely sucks.
Been thinking about Skull Kid and Majora’s Mask. The more I think about it, the more I realize what a wonderful game it really is in context of the series. It’s a game about alienation, loneliness and the importance of friendship, and in its own strange way it just may be the saddest and most personal Zelda game.
Love me some #majorasmask
I’m pretty bummed I never played these games.
The warmth of another human. I miss sleeping with someone, both sexually,and literally. I miss the feel of skin. The worst part is, there is no way for me to get rid of these wants.
May be entirely inappropriate, but I really would like to have some kind of sexual contact soon. Unfortunately, there isn’t anyone who sees me like that, so, I don’t think its gonna happen. It would be nice, though.
Its good in the sense that I spend a lot of time alone, so I’m pretty in touch with myself for the first time in a long time, which is nice. I’ve always thought that I have a problem depending on other people, because that’s what I’ve always been told by people I developed relationships with, but they always pursued other relationships after ending ours, whereas I am comfortable being single. It’s also nice because I don’t have the problem of getting sick of friends, or having fights with the people I care about, or having to choose a best friend.
But it also has its draw backs. No one takes me seriously in any aspect of life. I am constantly having to repeat myself when I even bother talking at all. I don’t bond with my coworkers like they all bond with one another. I am always the outsider, because I don’t get included or invited to most things.
I am not outgoing. I am kind of awkward, now. I don’t do well with human interaction because there has been a lack of genuine human interaction in my life for some time. I am not mean, rude, or an asshole, but I am perceived as such, because of my lack of effort to maintain communication with most people.
Humans are naturally social creatures, and I am no exception. I do crave social interaction. I would love to have friends, close friends, and maybe even new romantic relationships. But, I never go out of my way for people, because people never go out of their way for me. It might be a two way street, but there’s no cars coming from the other way, if you understand my meaning. I feel when I make an effort to try and be around people, no one else puts in effort. It discourages me from actually trying in the future.
This is getting too long, and I’m not really expecting anyone to see this, or care how I am feeling, but I am sick of being alone. I used to have friends. I used to be social. I used to trust people. I don’t understand why I am treated the way I am. I recently stumbled on to the idea of laws of attraction and what you put out into the universe is kind of what you get back, and I have been trying to maintain positive thoughts, which is both a first, and very difficult for me. But I am not really reaping any results yet. I wonder if I have to balance all of the hatred and negative thoughts I’ve flooded out for most of my life first, maybe? Maybe it doesn’t work in the first place? Either way, I feel like I am generally a good person, and in life, I am usually getting the raw deal, and I just want my life to not be that way anymore.
I am a person. I am important. I just want people to see that. I just want people to see me.